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[13 Oct 2004|04:30pm] |
*is changing lj*
Will let all that =matter= know.
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| [[[*waves*]]] |
[10 Oct 2004|08:38pm] |
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mood |
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song is stuck in my head. ;_; |
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music |
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evil, evil, evil Coheed & Cambria song that I =hate= |
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Well, it's been another long day. *yawns* Sandy and B are back in CT, wh00t! Sean and I aren't arguing anymore o^-^o And.. I'm working alot of hours this week, so I'm expecting a niiice fat paycheck. I also met another FF7 freak *huggles ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) djmeowmix* Go figure, I met her while I was working. This whole being social and talking to people thing is working out pretty damn good. By the way.. if anyone cares... I'm replaying FF7, just cos I absolutely =have= to. ^^
So.. Ring Dance on Oct 22nd, PSAT on Oct 13th *hides*
Heard from Mat today *huggles* I was so fucking worried, don't you =ever= do that to me again or =I= will kill you!!!
Buying dress and shoes for Ring Dance this week or next week... I haven't worn a dress in.... *thinks* ...... Forever. >>;
*sigh* Have to do something about getting members for s6x feet under... We're back down to 3 and rpg time is... boring. ;_; I no likey. Anyone wanna join? Please help save the rpg!!! [[[.clickety.]]] Join, dammit, JOIN!!!! *forces people to join*
Ugh... Buying class ring... next week. *nod nod* At least the minimum deposit. Or something. I have no money. Ever. *sigh*
Well.. 'tis all. *runs off to make hot, passionate love to Amy Lee* Or Cristina Scabbia. ^^ *drools* Byeee!!
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[10 Oct 2004|09:09am] |
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mood |
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pissed/hurt/stressed |
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Sandy never showed up yesterday or called... Got into a few hundred fights with Sean last night... I feel like I'm holding him back.. I mean, if it wasn't for me, he could be living in Norwich with his mom in the mansion and not have to worry about getting an apartment in Waterbury that he can hardly afford. >< And I'm always dragging him down with me. I don't know what to do. I know that if I said this to him he wouldn't listen, and I don't want to be without him, but maybe I should let him go. *sigh*
My arm hurts. ;_;
I have to work today, new schedule this week:
[[Sun]] 1-9p
[[Mon]] 1-10p
[[Tues]] off
[[Wed]] off
[[Thurs]] 6-10p
[[Fri]] 6-10p
[[Sat]] 11-6p
So if anyone wants to do anything... you know the drill.
*sigh* I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. He kept bringing stuff up last night, about me and zoloft, me cutting, etc etc. And... before that.. Well, we were supposed to go to the Ring Dance together.. but now.. He got hired, and he's like 'oh, how am I supposed to ask three days in advance' blah blah blah, acting like he's not going to ash his boss for the day off. And I asked him if he could count, because the dance is in two weeks. >>; He was all whining about it, and then later when he called me back he was acting like I was screaming at him for it.... *sigh* It's always my fault. Whenever something goes wrong, it's MY fault. Remember that, everyone. ;__;
( .quizzes for the sake of quizzing. )
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[07 Oct 2004|04:46pm] |
Just talked to Sandy.. Their coming back tomorrow. Leaving TN anyway. And their still just leaving a note. Fucked up. When I said that it was messed up, she.. I dunno. She's completely different.
That and when we hung up cos she had to go... All she said was "Later", after telling me she had to go. Then she hung up. *sigh*
Sean came over yesterday. I missed him so much. He got me a sushi making kit! ^^ Funn!! I'm so happy with him, more than I ever could have imagined. It's just everything else that's bringing me down. Urges to cut are getting almost too strong to fight.
Going back to Shop on Tuesday. Dining room. Wh00t.
Well, gtg. Lauren-chan needs the phone. <33
Love to all.
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[26 Sep 2004|10:46am] |
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music |
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Heir of a Dying Day ~ Lacuna Coil (stuck in my head.. >>;) |
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Whew, finally, a day off. Except today I don't get to sleep in or screw Sean, I have to go up to camp for my grandfather's surprise birthday party. Which isn't a bad thing, I just wish I could sleep in. Woke up at 9 to get ready, and still the father person and mother person aren't ready to go yet. What the fuck..
Did alot yesterday.. Went to the dentist in the morning, SHE'S EVIL! My teeth kind of hurt now from the way she stuck that sharp pointy thing in them to clean them... Bitch.. But I got a free toothbrush and toothpaste... >>;
Went to the mall with Lauren (I feel like a mall rat now!) and wanted to go to FYE to get some anime but when I started to walk in Jess said that they wanted me to come into work right then and there, and when I told her I couldn't cos I couldn't leave me sis, she had me not go in cos Rob would've made me stay. Or tried to. So we walked around for a while, looked in a bunch of other stores but I still wanted anime *cries* So eventually we came back to FYE at around 4pm, and I just went in. Rob tried to get me to clock in but I couldn't, so... If it had been just me I would've, but I had promised Lauren we'd hang out, and also I couldn't leave her alone. I couldn't decide on any anime, that and I didn't have much money to work with after paying my dad back the forty bucks he loaned me, then lunch, and $50 to save in the bank, so I looked around some more and ended up getting The Crow on dvd, a Guano Apes CD and incense. Later on, right before we closed, I saw the Ninth Gate on sale for 9.99 so I -had- to get it. Johnny Depp movie on sale. I couldn't resist.
Got my schedule last night, too. I have today off, then Tues, Wed, and Thurs. ^^ Which means Sean and I will most likely get to see each other. <33 Now I have to open a bank account, and then Friday I can go into work earlier and get my check cashed myself so that maybe Saturday night after I get out of work Sean and I can go see a movie. I'm working 10am-6pm.
And dammit... Waldy's had a manga sale... buy three get a fourth free.... And it ends today! *cries* I wish it would have lasted til next weekend, cos I would've bought out the store. *needs new manga* And anime. *cries*
10:58.. Hopefully we get going soon, or else we're never going to make it. That and I want to get into the car and listen to my new CD.... Take care, everyone.
~Random fact of the day: Hatebreed's guitarist is from Waterbury.
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[21 Sep 2004|10:59am] |
So here I sit, not in school. Which is making me want to kick myself, but wtf. I'm sick as fuck, I can't stand this. Some bastard gave me their fucked up cold and it's tearing my throat to pieces. That and my mom said if they want me to go into work later I can't. I don't think I would anyway, cos last night was shitty, blowing my nose every five seconds... Spade tried to buy me cough medicine but I wouldn't let him. It was sweet of him to offer, though.
I want to call Sean, but I dunno if my mom will freak out. Last night she wouldn't let me use her cell phone, and according to her, if I buy my own, I still won't be able to talk past ten. Riiight. Sorry, if I'm paying for my shit, then I'm talking as late as I want. What's she gunna do, hold onto my phone at night? Yeah, right. She cracks me up sometimes.
Talking to Kate right now, for the first time in ages... The original jap version of yugiou sounds so fucking amazing...
I wish I could see Sean... If he were still in Waterbury I'd have him come over right now.. I want to talk to him so badly, more than anyone knows.... I must have had a million dreams about him last night.... This whole thing sucks, I wish things were better for him.
Sandy called me the other day, randomly. I haven't gotten to talk to her yet, we keep playing phone tag.
At the end of the week I'm getting paid.. Anyone want to do something? Half my check is going in the bank, but the other half I have all to myself.. I'll also be able to get Sean the other half of his present just in time. Our anniversry is Monday.
Well, I'm gunna go devise ways to spend my money.. Sean wants me to visit with him and his dad this weekend, his dad already said it was okay. Must convince the mother person.... It'd be a nice way to spend our anniversry, cos I don't think we'll be able to celebrate on the actual day.
--------------
[[Edit]]
At least today gives me a chance to try and understand Geometry a little better, and to work on my novel. I keep getting all these ideas but I haven't had the time to write. So far it's pretty good, a lot of sexual tension. I love slash.
[[Edit :: 5:34pm]]
Finally found a name for my domain, which I'll be getting soon, most likely with my first or second check. Called in to work, they wanted me to come in tonight, but John told them I can't cos I'm sick. He was like, "She sounds horrible on the phone, she can't come in". He's been so good to me since the beginning. So anyway, he told me to call back in half an hour and talk to Mike B. When I did, Mike asked me when I could come in next. I said probably tomorrow, cos I have a half day of school, and I could come home and rest if I'm not feeling good and then go into work, but he said "why don't we make it Thursday?" So I'll be working 5-10 on Thursday, and he said we'll figure out the rest of the week then. Hopefully I'll have Saturday off, since I'm already not working Sunday (Popi's surprise b-day party ^^). If I have Sat off, that means Sean and I can spend the day together. Maybe I can spend Friday night and Saturday at his dad's. I tried calling him earlier, but Kathleen said they were out and to call back around 6:30. I also have to call Sandy tonight. I'm so tired, and I feel like shit. I have no voice, my throat hurts, and I can't breathe. Kill me, please.
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[24 Aug 2004|11:43am] |
Well, things have taken a sudden turn. I must admit, it feels like a soap opera or something. But I'm glad everyone's happy again.
Mat, I loooooove yoooouuuu! ^-^ *glomp*
So, yeah... Vacation time. Got to enjoy what little time I have left before I return to slavedom. ^^
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[23 Aug 2004|11:34pm] |
Is it just me... or are they giving out medals for free in the Olympics this year? O_o
Wh00t, big 1-6 in just 4 days... ^^ I can't wait. As soon as they start, I'm signing up for Driver's Ed in school. I want my license as soon as possible. ...I can't believe it's already the 23rd.... I have to go back to school in exactly a week, which is kind of good but kind of sucks. I know as soon as I get into shop I'm gunna want to run home and hide under my bed XD
Sean came over today.. *kicks self for asking him to come over* He ended up having to walk home. I am loved. But I feel so damn guilty, you know? His bike got stolen last time he was at Dylan's, so this morning he took the bus here and tonight walked home. So... guilty.... *dies* His mom, sister, and niece are moving either Saturday or Sunday, which means he will soon be free. I'm planning on taking him out to dinner to celebrate, since he took me out with his birthday money. We'll make a day of it, I guess, and I can go shopping too. (He also bought me cigs today so I promised I'd pay him back, although he acted like it was no big deal. But it's the least I can do, you know? Eventually I'll have a car, since my dad is fixing the blazer and Pontiac, and I'm pretty sure I'm getting to drive the Pontiac, so at least then I can give him a ride if I'm free. Odds are that I'll have a car and my license before he does, unfortunately.)
Well... I'm gunna go now, I have a headache and I have like a million pages of Harry Pothead Year 5 to read still, so... Yeah.
'Night! ^^
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| shiney... <33 |
[22 Aug 2004|12:21pm] |
Grr, I'm so bored... I wanted to go to the mall and meet Joan, cos her girlfriend just broke up with her, but my father is so lazy he won't drive me or say yes, that I can walk. >< Lazy ass...
Today I was going to do a few things, clean my room, etc, but I don't feel like it now. Guess I'll just sit around online, roleplay a bit, and maybe Kate will come on.
*sigh*
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| ^^ |
[20 Aug 2004|08:01pm] |
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mood |
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bouncy |
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music |
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the Bad Luck hit single... O_o |
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So.. 8 more days, wh00t!! I'm actually excited about it.. At first I wasn't, I was planning evil things for that day, but now I'm happier and so those evil things aren't going to happen. O_o *slaps self*
And in about ten days I go back to school... I'm excited about that, too, junior year and all... Ring dance, prom, no more pot sink.... Did I mention no more pot sink? ^_____^ NO MORE FUCKING POT SINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm excited XD Can't wait to get my bellybutton pierced and can't wait to get my hair dye... Purple = greatness
Went back to school shopping today, at Wall Market (Wal-Mart) XD Anyone who's ever played FF7 will know what I'm talking about.. Anyway, at first I wasn't too happy about that, but they actually had some cool stuff. ¬¬; I actually picked clothes with colors... O.o My mom was amazed XD
So... I guess that's it.. Kind of worried about Sean and where he's gunna go when his mom moves, but.. I'm trying to stay positive right now, and he keeps telling me not to worry.. so.... I'm not going to worry. >
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[17 Aug 2004|08:05pm] |
Argh I dunno wtf is wrong with me tonight.. everything's setting me off.. I just want to go cry somewhere....
I want to get my fan fiction site back on the internet; it's been so long.. But it needs so much work and it's just stressing me out... It looks like crap, I don't have the patience right now... I guess I should just go take a break and find something else to do, but.... I keep putting it off..
See, something as trivial as this is knocking me down and making me feel shitty.. *tears hair out* ><;
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[17 Aug 2004|12:14pm] |
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Depressed again. Whoo. Ended up crying on Sean's shoulder. Again. I hate when I do that.
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[15 Aug 2004|04:07pm] |
*bangs head against wall*
I'm so stressed out... even more than I was before...... Last night I almost did it.. again >< Luckily I got to talk to Sean this time.... It's all my father, he's such an ass... Argh I don't even know why I'm updating this, I'm so sick of lj and internet and everything....
Sean and I were gunna go to Dylan's and chillax and smoke but his mom is an uber bitch and now he has to clean and pack and shit. I FUCKING HATE HER!!!
I hate everyone today.. everything and everyone.... I wanted to go to NJ more than anyone knows, but that can't happen cos my mom worries too much about money.. I honestly don't think my aunt would care if my mom couldn't give her money.. Then again she's always bugging Kate for money, so.. dkjvhsdjkghsadkgjshdgkj sahdgjksdg
Sandy's going to be coming back to CT soon, her and Bearrin.. I FUCKING HATE HIM!!! I hate everything today, I just want to go die somewhere... It's all shitty outside, not exactly rainy, just shitty.... With all the people I hate I hate my father most... He makes me afraid and he has split fucking personalities.... I just want to run around and scream... I don't wanna be in this house today, I'm so sick of it... I'm sick of everything.
Well, I'm off to rp and try and feel better. If not.. you can find me in the local cemetary. Visiting the grave of the person that pisses me off first and gets killed.
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| for a good laugh... |
[11 Aug 2004|11:14am] |
Tanku, Saulie.. Now I have pretty new green undies... *hangs them in picture frame* O.o That and it made me laugh. ^^
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What anime/manga/game character do I most remind you of, and why? If you can't choose just one, feel free to put two or three (or more! how many you see fit!). Then, post this in your journal and see what people say about you!
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| Z? |
[11 Aug 2004|09:42am] |
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mood |
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 drained |
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Livejournal seems a bit.. FUBAR?
I had the strangest dream just now....
My little sister and I were near my grandparents house, but it look different. There was this guy, in his thirties or forties, and he had this dog. Some lady killed it, but he came after me and my sister. At first we didn't know where the guy went, so we ran into our grandparent's house. I told my grandmother about the guy and how we weren't sure if he was coming after us, and she told us to hide. So I found a place for Lauren to hide, but I was worried about my grandparents and where they would hide. All of a sudden my grandmother said she saw a van coming toward the house. The guy was in the van. We decided that if the guy came in the house, Lauren and I would go down the back stairs, since they are pretty hidden from the rest of the apartment. Lauren was hiding in my Noni's craft room, and I told her if the guy came in to go downstairs to our Aunt Barbara's apartment and wait for me. I was just about to hide myself when the guy opened the door. I decided to play dumb and maybe make him think he had the wrong house. It didn't work. He tried to push me out of the way, but I managed to push him back out the door and lock it. I started to run towards where my sister was hiding but he came back inside and tried to get past me. I was trying to keep him away from her but
Then I woke up, my heart pounding and my body shaking. That was probably the scariest dream I've ever had, since the guy was gunna kill my sister and I couldn't do shit. It seemed so real, I really thought it was happening and when I woke up I was glad it was just a dream.
Before that I had a dream about Sean..
It was Halloween, I think, and we were in this school, Kennedy I think. We were just walking around when this lady comes out, asking him how he's doing now. He said he was doing fine, and she said maybe she would see him again for a follow-up. I asked him who she was and he told me she was a guidance councelor, the one that he had had to see when he was suicidal. We went up to her office and there were these poems that he had written, about wanting to kill himself, and there were her notes on how he was cutting, etc. It was scaring me a bit, but I kept reminding myself that it was in the past.
I really don't remember how the dream "ended", I think it sort of just blended into the next. It scared me though; I mean, I knew he had gone through a period like that but.... I dunno.
But that dream about my sister was just.... It was so real, especially since I woke up with my heart pounding and my entire body shaky. I was breathing really fast, too. >< I hate dreams like that. Too bad it's only almost 10:00, cos then I would call Sean, cos he would make me feel better. I can't get either dream out of my head.
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[05 Aug 2004|02:21pm] |
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mood |
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 content |
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music |
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Iris ~ Goo Goo Dolls ^^ |
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I'm thinking about just not updating anymore. I mean, I don't think anyone really even reads it. *shrugs*
Sean came over yesterday.. ^^ I almost cried when I read the list of songs he put on the CD..
01 - Guano Apes - Maria
02 - Nirvana - Plateau
03 - 3 Doors Down - Here Wthout You*
04 - Corey Taylor - Bother
05 - Live - I Alone
06 - Goo Goo Dolls - Iris*
07 - Nirvana - Spank Thru
08 - Nirvana - You Know You're Right
09 - 3 Doors Down - By My Side
10 - Eddie Vedder - When I Leave This World
11 - Matchbox Twenty - Unwell
12 - Collective Soul - December
13 - Collective Soul - Run Away Train
14 - Collective Soul - The World That I Know
15 - Collective Soul - Brings Me Down
16 - Collective Soul - Shine
17 - Alice in Chains - Heaven Beside Me
18 - The Flys - Got You Where I Want You*
* = songs for us ^^
But "Iris" almost made me cry.. cos originally he hadn't wanted to use it because it had something to do with him and his ex Rachel, and I'm not going to go into it but.... When I saw that song, it really meant alot, cos it means he's waaaaay over her ^^
( Sandy called this morning.. and really pissed me off... )
*is listening to Iris now* ^^ I wanted this song for us so badly when we first talked about having one, but I didn't push it when he said he would love to but couldn't, cos I didn't want to hurt him. But now it might be ours. It's so perfect for us, you know? *sounds like Raijin XD*
So anyway.. I might not be updating anymore, it's kind of pointless. *shrugs* We'll see, I guess..
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[04 Aug 2004|08:58pm] |
"Wanna join me on the angus diet? We can do it together!!"
-Lauren, after seeing the new Burger King commercial O.o
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| x.x;; |
[04 Aug 2004|04:44pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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music |
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SCII - Talim getting her ass beat O.o |
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I joined some rpg board but they have all these confusing rules that make no sense. Yeah, I know there have to be some rules, but does it really matter whether or not I put a description of how many male or female characters can join the game I start? wtf does that have to do with anything!?
It's wicked hot, occasionally there'll be a breeze... I'm so bored, Sean has been playing SCII for like... forever?
I want to have an otaku party. So far here are the events I have planned:
+ DDR tourny
+ SCII tourny
+ anime fest
+ Dungeons and Dragons, if I can get my hands on a book, or if anyone I know has it
Blah.. I'm so bored.
He brought me a CD that he made.. on it is Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls... originally he didn't want to use that cos of his ex or something, but now it might be our song. I thought it was sweet.
Well... I gtg melt into a little puddle now. I wish I had some ice cream.... *cries*
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[03 Aug 2004|01:39pm] |
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mood |
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 awake |
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music |
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la la laalala la lalalala lalalala la la la LAAAA |
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Meh.. tonight I have to have dinner with the family.. fun fun fun... The highlight of my day.. Pathetic, isn't it?
Hopefully Sean can come over tomorrow. My mom wouldn't let him come over today cos she's evil and wants to kill us all!!! We have needs, dammit, needs!! And I need to be within 2 feet of him every second!!!!
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| argh |
[02 Aug 2004|04:19pm] |
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mood |
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 frustrated |
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music |
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Look So Pretty ~ Kittie |
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Nothing is going right today. I haven't heard from Sandy and I found out today that it's cos the letter got sent back to me, saying the address isn't right. wtf Can't anything go right today!?
Mathias I'm going to miss you!! Take care.. in Case I'm not on when you come back... I love you. *huggles*
Saul, you take care, too. We'll be in touch.. I hope?
Hopefully I see Sean soon?
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